This week has been many hours of writing for me. I have poured my heart and soul into all the words that I have written and have reflected in my journal entries all the emotions that have risen to the surface. I had a beautiful opportunity to write for an incredible sisterhood created by Yvette Mystakas and my story can be found Here.
This story reflects my raw emotional struggle after my Rainbow baby, Layla Donna was born. For those who know me well, I learned yet another hard lesson that came as a surprise to some. When Layla was born, I suffered from postpartum depression. I thought haven’t I gone through enough?
As I have been on my healing journey for a while, new layers of healing through forgiveness have and still are, coming up for me. Does that really ever end? Spiritual growth is an ongoing process. I faced a tremendous number of traumas in my life and I know that I have been saved by Grace. While there is strength behind those words, how does that really happen? In many ways, yes, because God’s Light is always there to save us when we repent. Repentance means change. So I knew I had to change.
What I have always known and really have come to hold onto this week is that while God has been there all along to bring me strength, I am in fact a magnificent child of God. I was created perfect in his image, as we ALL are. We are designed to think positive thoughts and to love one another even though the hard knocks of life can bring us into despair. I had to change my view of myself and how I thought about my past or even the guilt for not being able to connect to my little baby.
We are God’s perfect child that can choose to receive the grace given to bring forth the cleansing of our souls. To bring us back to how we were created – with perfect Love.
Reading my own story of Postpartum Depression after my Rainbow baby was born and how I got through it, I can now truly see how Love is underneath every struggle life hands us. That Love is the basis of our being or as science calls it: optimism bias. Every thought or action must be questioned. Is this bringing love or fear?
In the many months I suffered from PPD, I chose not to fight it. I chose to let it become my teacher. I allowed the emotions to just come and the tears to flow without guilt or shame.
We are human beings that God has created perfectly and by not suppressing the intense emotions we face we can bring new thoughts and connection to our babies and life. I did that with my sweet baby all at the same time for she too, is wired for love and her loving touch in that one moment in my story reminded me of that.
Mamas, I know that Motherhood is an ongoing challenge. I know that some days you may want to just hide in the closet away from your children when things get intense. I know that it is sometimes the most isolating experience you have ever been in. I know of all the hard sacrifices being a Mother brings on our mind, body and soul.
But I also know, that God gave us free will and within that free will we have choices. We can choose to allow our thoughts to swallow us up in those challenges, pushing us further into depression or hopelessness or we can choose to embrace it and plunge forward. If we suppress these emotions and thoughts our bodies suffer causing anxiety, fatigue, insomnia and the list goes on.
It is NOT easy and there are many times where you want to give up and that too is okay to admit. You just keep standing back up and trying again. You are not alone. We stand together and God is standing with us!
In light of this week’s story on Postpartum Depression, Healthy Mom Happy Baby’s Co-founder, Donna Cassity and I are so excited to announce that we have created ‘Mama Joy’ – a positive and uplifting program that can help you restore the joy that is ALREADY in you and HAS been in you from the moment you were created. We cannot stop life because as the saying goes, “Life Happens” and it does so why not try and search for that joy again amongst your life experiences? To reconnect you to Love, health and happiness.
October’s newsletter is due out this weekend and Donna will be sharing more details of this exciting program, so make sure you sign up in case you haven’t already!
In the Spirit of Love,