There are a lot of ways people try and help you when you have a loss. Often times, it is difficult for them to say the right words, especially with the loss of your baby. When I first lost my son, I heard many things from people around me to help me cope. I felt lost in a sea of emotions as my mind tried to process what just happened. All the advice given to me on how “to be” made me feel as though I was drowning in that sea.
Many of my well-meaning friends and family offered me many ideas to help me grieve and at the time, nothing helped. The days I spent in the hospital in labor with him I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.
My mind raced with anxiety of how I was possibly going to leave that hospital and continue being a mother to my daughter, who at the time, had no idea what was happening. She did not know until we got home after four days away that her brother had passed away.
Nurses came and went, hospital chaplains popped in and my own Pastor was there daily to offer me prayer and support.
Just be the Mother you have always been, you will find a way to do it.
Just be thankful she is here as your daughter.
Just be strong for her.
Just be strong for your husband.
Just be aware of your grief but don’t let it overcome you.
Just let Joseph go….
Were the words that were spoken around me on that last day in the hospital. I struggled to respond and as I looked desperately at my husband, everything around me stopped spinning and his smile was all I saw.
“Just be nothing my darling. Just be.” He whispered to me. Just be…
As a mother who just lost her precious baby boy, those words could not have been more perfect. Trying to figure out how to continue to be a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister and a daughter felt like an impossible task. It felt as though the world was on my shoulders and I did not know where to start. The advice around me literally circled like a raging tornado in my mind and my heart pounded fast to try and keep up with it.
My husband’s words spoke above it all and I will never forget that grounding moment after he said them. I felt as though my body anchored back down on the earth, still broken but able to at least take that first step back into the world. I am still here. I am still breathing and I am just ME.
There is not one right way to grieve. He gave me the freedom to not be anything and JUST BE. Just be free to grieve how I needed to grieve and continue with my life how I felt was best. Jason, your love is steadfast and never falters and your words will forever be huge in my heart…My darling…Just be..